Gabor Maté defines addiction as any behaviour that causes relief in the short-term and therefore, is craved, despite the negative consequences. Addictions such as food, gambling, drugs, alcohol or sex can all provide instant pleasure and generate cravings, all the while causing very difficult life circumstances. The negative consequences are often insufficient in changing the addictive behaviour. The instant relief experienced while engaging in addictive behaviours is what is sought after, replacing pain with comfort and pleasure now becomes the primary focus.

This in and of itself can be sufficient in creating an addiction, especially when considering the chemical changes that take place within a person's brain, but the element of shame makes it very difficult to break the cycle.

Pain+Pleasure+Shame=Addiction.

Shame is often experienced as a result of one’s negative experiences whether it is because of something we have done, or something done to us.

Coping with the pain and shame from childhood trauma by using sexual pleasure, is an excellent recipe for addiction. Sexual behaviours can intensify the shame component due to the intimate, risky and secretive nature inherent within them. Moreover, exploring an individual’s trauma history can be difficult as abuse that is familial can bring up a sense of betrayal and intensify the shame.

Abuse and trauma (whether it is physical, emotional, verbal, sexual in nature, including neglect) can sometimes be normalized, minimized and/or justified, and sometimes it will unnoticed, especially if it is generational trauma. Shame plays a role in the misunderstanding that the behaviour is okay because ‘my family loves me’ all while I do not feel okay about the pain it has caused me. Shame is internalized into beliefs such as ‘I am a mistake’ or that ‘I am not worthy’ and somehow, ‘I deserve the bad things that happened to me’. Shame becomes the active ingredient that allows addiction to thrive.

The negative consequences, the addictive behaviours and the trauma intensify the already existing shame; leaving an individual to feel like an awful person, thus perpetuating the cycle of feeling negatively and the need to seek comfort and pleasure. This behaviour then, not only exacerbates the shame but also deepens the belief of unworthiness. This very unworthy state of being continues and is reinforced. An individual can be helped to see not only how their past trauma has impacted them negatively, but also how they can continue to repeat it over and over through both trauma reactions and trauma repetition. Philosopher George Santayana once said that those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

For example, individuals who have experienced physical abuse can engage in behaviours that are physically harmful to themselves and/or others. The same can be said for any type of trauma. Those who had been sexually abused can engage in promiscuous sexual behaviours, again, finding pleasure in behaviours that they feel immense shame about (as an attempt to alleviate their pain). It is noteworthy that sexual abuse does not necessarily cause sex addiction. Making the connections of how an individual is repeating history because of their trauma can have a profound effect on helping an individual to change their behaviours. Self-awareness and being mindful of the impact of trauma can empower an individual to take control of their present lives.

One of the ways of reducing the shame caused by trauma and perpetuated by addiction, is to restore the connection with the self. The goal is to move from a state of unworthiness to worthiness. Restoring correct thinking and correct believing within the self is sometimes aided by restoring a connection to a Higher Power. Sometimes those who struggle with a Higher Power can equally struggle with their addiction. Without a Higher Power some individuals can be easily led into a life of addiction and self-destruction. As an addict has looked outside of themselves to find relief, they now must look within themselves to connect with something outside of themselves. The powerlessness felt over addiction requires a power that is greater than addiction in order to recover from it. A spiritual connection can replace the shame, negative thoughts and feelings with love for self and others while restoring relationships and sanity. Cultivating new ways of coping and a healthy self-care routine that is sufficient in alleviating the pain and the shame without the negative consequences is essential to rewire the brain.

Changing the core belief to one of positive self-worth produces results that are evident in one’s behaviours. Individuals who gain the self-awareness of how their pain had negatively impacted them can now live a more self-controlled satisfying lifestyle and break the addictive shame cycle. This is possible through positive behaviours such as prayer, yoga, meditation, spending time in nature, exercise and meditation where one can learn to listen to the internal voice, trust their instinct or intuition and find a path of recovery where the message of strength, hope and experience is carried to others. This very important message is a reminder that we are not alone.

Connection is a way of replacing the negative unworthy thoughts, feelings and behaviours with a new core belief of feeling worthy and loved, replacing shame with connection.

Trauma is often internalized into a negative message that can attack one’s self-worth where self- care, attention to one’s physical, spiritual and emotional needs can restore an individual’s core belief of worthiness.

Debbie Roberts, MA, CCAC, ASAT